What If My Child Starts Saying They Don't Want to Practice?

After making the big decision to have your child learn to play the violin, you’ve made the commitment, bought or rented an instrument, and have invested time and money and effort into providing lessons for them. Things are going well…or a

t least, so it seems.

Then one day, you notice it: the dreaded sluggish body language when it’s time to practice. Maybe it’s a look on their face that says “I really don’t want to be here right now.” Perhaps there are eye rolls, deep sighs, or a complaint that their friends are out riding scooters while they’re inside being asked to practice scales. Maybe you or your child (maybe both of you?) have reached full meltdown mode when it comes to practicing. (And if that’s the case, rest assured that almost every parent of a budding musician has been there, present company included, and that it does not mean that you’re doing things all wrong.)

But it begs the question: what’s a parent to do in these situations? And, perhaps more importantly, what’s a parent to do if this kind of behavior is becoming a long term habit?

As someone who has been on all sides of this situation (as a child, teacher, and parent of mini musicians), I get it. I’ve seen it off and on over the years with my own students and my own children. I even remember being that child at times growing up.

Here are a few key tips to keep in mind. 

1. Remember you’re playing the long game

First, try to keep perspective! We all cycle through ups and downs in almost every area of our lives, and children are no different. It’s important to keep the end in mind. Are we doing music/violin/anything worthwhile only when it’s fun, or is there value to the effort, the struggle, the achievement and joy that comes as a result of hard work? Musical skills can be used for a lifetime, and never have I ever met somebody that said, “I’m so glad my mom let me quit the violin.” It’s always the opposite: “I wish my parents hadn’t let me quit the violin.” 

There will be rough patches, but try to help your child find the good, the fun, the inspiring, and the rewarding part of the process. Praise the good. Help them to notice and appreciate beautiful and uplifting things around them, including their music. Most importantly, remember that learning to play an instrument is good and worthwhile in its own right, but learning the life lessons of hard work, accountability, and perseverance that are learned alongside the music are invaluable. Trust the process. It will serve them well for a lifetime.

2. Determine if your child is in a rut

Sometimes well-intentioned teachers will keep a student on a particular piece or musical concept for longer than is helpful. The goal might be to pass the piece off before moving forward, or to perfect it in some measure. But if there is perhaps a mental block to memorizing it, or a general dislike for the piece, it can sometimes be helpful to move on, find some forward momentum with new material, and then revisit the other piece or concept later after some time has passed. During that time, the student will hopefully make other kinds of progress. Talk with your teacher about whether this might be helpful.

3. Refresh your approach to practice

If your child is struggling with daily practice sessions, it might be time to shake things up. Are your practice sessions a stale, monotonous list of to-do’s? If so, there are many ways to breathe some life into your child’s practice. You can find a comprehensive list of some of our creative practice ideas HERE.

4. Find a fun piece of music to learn on the side

Does your child have a favorite pop or Disney song that they’ve always talked about wanting to learn? Sometimes kids (and adults!) need a break from pure classical music, and learning a piece they know well from our modern world can give them a boost. Anything that motivates or makes learning to play enjoyable is worth it. And, sometimes taking a detour from the regular practice path can bring excitement and joy back to practicing. 

5. Take a break

Yes, you read that right. It’s okay to take a break. I would not suggest several weeks or longer, but burnout can happen, and therefore, sometimes a break can be just what everyone needs to recharge their batteries. 

A break can look like any of the following:

• A total break from practicing for a day or two or a few

• A break from complete practices. If you’re using this approach, you will still be playing your instrument daily, but instead of a full practice, you’d be playing only one or two small sections from your practice, for instance: review songs; scales; perhaps your latest piece you’ve passed off.

• A “listening break”: this is a break where the instrument isn’t played for a period of time, but the emphasis is placed on listening to your repertoire. In this case, the listening serves as the practice during that time.

6. Share your talents

If I had to pick a favorite suggestion on this list, it would probably be this one! I don’t know if I can think of a better way to inspire young musicians to want to play their instrument more than to find ways to share their talents, however meager they may think they are. A wonderful thing happens when students go from practicing day in and out in the same room to using their music to brighten the day of those around them. This does not have to be a formal concert or recital, although that certainly is one great way to do it! Consider any of the following ideas, or come up with more of your own:

• Play at a retirement home (these places get filled with volunteers at Christmas time, but think how great it would be to share your talents at other times of the year)

• Give your grandparents (or anyone special) a mini performance

• Give a Zoom or Facetime performance to somebody long distance

• Play at a family event (think Christmas party or other gathering)

• Volunteer to play at a school talent show

7. Attend an inspiring classical musical performance

Another surefire way to give a boost to your child’s motivation with their music is to take them to see a classical music performance. Take them to the symphony, or other groups that blend classical music and pop culture (think The Piano Guys or Lindsey Stirling). Young people need to see what the possibilities are with their music, and they need to be inspired by greatness. Suddenly, all their repetitions of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have purpose as they gain a sense of where they are headed.

8. Consider enrolling them in a summer music camp

Yes, I’m aware this sounds a little dorky. But I’m here to tell you, there are a lot of fantastic music camps out there for young violinists. Having attended many all over the country as I grew up, and seeing my students attend them now, I have experienced and seen first hand the huge boost this gives young musicians. Most kids are buzzing with excitement upon completion of the camps. 

If you find a good camp, your child will most likely have access to some of the top teachers from all over the world, have several incredible classes (think daily private lessons, group performance classes, small and large ensemble groups, and many fun “elective” type classes as well) that will renew their excitement for playing. Being in that kind of environment for several days allows them to grow musically like they’ve never done before. And, more than likely, they’ll make a few good friends along the way!

9. Prioritize your relationship with your child

This is one I’ve had to learn personally as a parent. When all is said and done, there is nothing more important than your relationship with your child. Of course we all want our children to be successful, to learn the value of hard work and accountability. That is a line we are all trying to walk. But music (or anything else) should not be a wedge driving a parent and child apart. If it is coming to that, it may be time to try some of the suggestions above, or reevaluate your approach to music and practicing. In the end, I vote to put the relationship with your child at the top of your priority list.

Almost every student will at some point, for whatever reason, find that their enthusiasm for music or lessons or practicing is waning. Don’t fret or assume this is the end. It is perfectly normal. Ups and downs are inevitable. We hope the suggestions above will help get you back on track and moving in the right direction. We wish the best for everybody on this wonderful (and challenging!) musical journey.